Friday, August 28, 2009

Envy - the silent killer

Why? One of the most pressing questions of life isn't it. Why?

Here is another one. Why do we feel pulled down when we confront someone who is a projection of what we want to be in life?

Is it mere jealousy? Of course, that is the word we use. Yet, closing matters at this stage is not the solution. It is a mere naming of the solution. What then is the solution? It is like diagnosing the disease and saying it is jaundice. That is not the problem. It doesnt matter whether the disease was named as jaundice or tb or dljdlgia. Why did the disease occur? How can we cure it? These are the real things to be pondered on.

Mostly, jealousy comes when there is an area where we have capability to shine or where we are also trying to shine yet, it is someone else who comes to the fore. Or it could also be when someone very close to us achieves something gr8 in life, thought the field of achievement is irrelevant to us. Fortunately, I havent had the second kind - not yet. But what about the first?

OK. Here is an example. C is so well read, seems intelligent and philosophic, of a profound meditative and contemplative nature, loves questioning the vagaries of life and also enjoying the lighter moments when they come. The fact is, these are also the things which I would use to describe me. However, I find that the description suits her better. She seems to be stronger in all these areas. So?

Here is a person who seems to be a totality of how I want to be or how I am getting to be. How does it matter to me? It does, because my sense of individuality is threatened. We all love it - dont we. We like calling ourselves different. It feeds our ego. It murtures our esteem. We love our uniqueness. That could contribute a new element to the world, or so we believe. But now, shit! I am just a clone of another person - I am getting to be the second version of someone else - is that not bad?

Perhaps it isn't. At no point in life can one be like another. That is true. If it is the connotation that is bothering you, the similairities in the outward projection, then here is the answer. As long as you are in transit, you can never be her or get to be like her. And the good news is, you are in transit. The day you decided that you will stop struggling, the day you decided to let go, the day you decided to stop changing, was the day you started changing. You are merely at a stage which resembles her, this stage will pass.


amudhan said...

Well, this is a very sensitive topic and you are (once again) brave to take this topic. Seeing my closest friend getting the best things in life which I have always wanted to get, I become very happy (I am not trying to sound like a good boy, but I am being really honest), because he is my best friend. But still, there is one more mind which thinks, "why can't I get those things?". Here I don't mean 'physical things' by things. Things could be anything. I can't say that is envy or jealousy. What is that feeling? I don't envy my friends... I don't have jealousy for my friends, I would pray that they get the best things in life, but still, when they get which we don't get, we become happy and a little sad. Happy for them and sad for yourself. I think you can explain this. Your psychological thoughts amaze me and I think you can explain somethings which I don't know. I really don't know anything about this thought.

But I really don't have any feeling in the aspect of "individuality", really!

abhster said...

Friends these days are quite wierd . If I get better marks than a friend , he stomps off in rage , but if some one gets better marks than me , I am usually happy for him but sad for me because when I go home , my mom will ask me whether any one has a better score than I do