The truth was I dint allow myself to get into it in a full fledged manner. Biotechnology ( my stream ) has tremendous potential. How do you make disease resistant plants? Take the DNA of one species, produce it in bulk in another and finally insert it into the species of choice using a vector or carrier. This knowledge and know-how, sure marks one of the most innovative ideas that would revolutionize mankind. While I do acknowledge this fact, do I want to devote the rest of my life in extracting DNA from species and testing it on new species? The answer is loud enough to hear.. NO. While the concept interests me, it doesnt excite me enough to the point that I am in love with my lab and I just cant wait to get to the microscope.
There are people like that...trust me. Their minds were meant for courting Science. I know people who are so fascinated with codes/machines/equations that they can't stop thinking about it or talking about it - the so called geeks/nerds of muggle language. They see the universe in its entirely - they feel art, music and love - in a single encounter with a technical set-up. Leave him with his tool and you can see love is in the air...you can see the chemistry they share with sparks flying all around. They intuitively know in seconds, where to push the knob/ how many ml of the base to dilute. You just can't keep the man and the machine seperated.
Were most of the people I knew in college carrying such fascination with engineering in their hearts? I dont think so. I am not talking about intelligence/talent at all here. It has no proportionality whatsoever with your interests. If you absolutely bent on becoming a writer, but have poor english, I believe you can still succeed at it with effort - effort that wouldnt seem like an effort at all to you. Yet, just because you carry good written skills doesnt mean your heart wants to become a budding writer. They (my friends) were all perhaps intelligent, but I hardly saw passion in them. What I did see instead was a sense of duty - to get good grades and land a good position in life. And that sense of duty and commitment got them through and it perhaps would in their post-graduation too.
Trust me, I know passion when I see it. What I dint know was you cannot cheat yourself into convincing that something is your passion. I did try though. The conversations I had with myself to cajole my mind reminds one of a desperate mother trying to get the kid to school. "Sinduja...Think of the beautiful plants - so lush and green...intricate works of art of nature...don't you want to work with them baby? Seize their DNA and be a master of creation? Come on...get your ass moving to the lab!"... I would end up bunking nevertheless. And it went on...for 4 miserable years.
I am intelligent. I understand technology. I appreciate thinking. I have finished my Engineering with 80%. I am confident that I could have gotten a M.S too, had I gone for it. but what is the point? Can I say confidently that 40 years down the lane, I would still be excited about going to work on Monday mornings? NO.