Friday, August 28, 2009

Why me? Whyyyyyyyyyyyy

Ever wondered why something had to happen to you? Many times, I bet. Yet, when this nagging thought persists for a long time, it can get very bad. I was very concerned about the fact that when I graduated from college, I should be having a definite direction in life and not be going through the "now-what?" phase of emptiness and lack of hope. And that is exactly where I am now. Yet, at that point 4 years back, I did make sure to insure myself against this terrible blow of luck. MBA, I had told myself, MBA would be my ticket to success, passport to stability and the answer to getting a start at "becoming famous and big" someday. WTF was I thinking?

Life has been a string of broken promises and hindered will. When I was in the ninth grade, I promised myself that I would never get into Engineering. Eventually I did. When I was in my first year of college, I promised myself that I would do my MBA. Today I dont want to. It is bad when one doesnt have a single-minded stand in life. For, life is all about a series of decisions at numerous checkpoints and the problem arises big time when you frequently reconsider your choices and have to take a U turn. Unfortunately howsoever you try, you will never get back again the time that you lost, NEVER.

Yet, it is really a good thing to not analyze your choices at all? I doubt it. Haing broken my word to avoid Engineering cost me a lot. Eventually I thought it was plain laziness. Then I wondered if perhaps the system - the way they taught. But no...the reality was, I was just not interested in what I was doing. Remember, "I" was not interested... The subject as such, was pretty good if you look at it from a neutral point of view. Engineering - applying scientific principles to solving human problems in an innovative way. Wow! sounds good right. You have no idea how many times I had told that to myself over the period of 4 years to convince myself to get fascinated about it.


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