It feels like it has been a long time since I enjoyed a weekend. Life has become a mad pointless hurry. As you finish one task, a dozen others plunge in and then you are in a run to complete them. I hate this. I have never really been famous in honouring deadlines. If something got to be done by next week Friday, I would probably only start on Thurday midnight. Though the world brands this with evil words like laziness and procrastination, I dont see it that way. I am not defending myself. It is a plain fact that I dont see why I should sulk about - the fact that for me work dictated by external necessity is really not something I get all worked up about. It is an irritating interruption to own world of thoughts. Paradise to me would be a long looooooooong stretch of uninterrupted time where I can peacefully relax and think, read and write. For me, this is real inspriring work. Do not dare to call it laziness. I would even do this kind of real work for days together without a break. True, all of us have our hobbies and we would love to spend time forever on them. Yet, such utopia is impossible and at some point of time, everyone got to move their ass and go for the job. 'Discipline', they call it. I dont see a point why I have to muster up this discipline that the world demands. Thus, if everyone is irreluctantly doing their job, I am probably finding myself more irreluctant than the rest.
Yes, the simple answer to why this should be the case is also the most obvious one - to get the cash.
We all have motivators for getting that mind to get obsessed over the job. For some, it is a fierce sense of competition. They get all hyped over rising in the ladder of their career and this spirit gets them going. For others, it is probably money. They want to become rich, get more bonuses, more cars, more i phones. This spirit gets them going. For still others, it is just plain sense of duty to their family. It has to be done and hence I should do it. This sense of security to life keeps them going. The very task of Human Resource managers in companies seems to be finsing more and more innovative motivators for making their employees stick on and deliver more for the companies. These tricks do seem to work on most of the work force. Yet, there seem to be minority like me who view this all skeptically and see the big golden smiles of stakeholders and shareholders behind these woos.
While I could be all iconoclastic and trash derogatories on the shallow narrow minded perspectives of all the motivators like money, ambition and security, in a way, I envy these people. It is the same case as mentally skewed patients. Lunatics, in short. A famous psychiatric doctor was once asked whether if he had a chance, he would compleely treat all these mad people and get them back to normal life. He said "No! These people are happier in this new world of theirs. We might look at them with sympathy or grief. Yet, the truth is they are happier than many of us since in this world that their minds created to escape reality, they have all the joy that reality denied them - the child they never had, the love they never got, the roles they never could play in the real world ... it is all present in this state for them though we know it doesnt really exist. This knowledge that they lack keeps them happy. Let them be!"
I really agree with the words. Though the majority I see seem to see the big picture of life and are preoccupied with things that seem shallow and silly to me, this preoccupation atleast gives them an easy life. Perhaps their motivator for going for the 9-5 job is not idealistic enough... still, it does get them going for the job without overwhelming resistance like I experience. Cool! I really wish I were them at times. I could never be called an ambitious person. I do have goals in life. Yet, they are goals which would let me grow at my own pace...not those which would require aggressive spirit and competition. If it was a speech competition, there are those who think " I should get a prize.. I should be the one who rocks the stage!" and there are those who feel "My speech would make people think" . I belonged to the latter. Unfortunately, the world honours the fire in the first category. Most probably the 'cream' of the world belongs here - CEOs, politicians, sportsmen, actors, investment bankers.
I really need some peace. It has been long since I had an undisrupted stretch of time for myself. I keep postponding work A to get some time for my thoughts. Yet, before I could finish my thoughts, work B creeps in. I shut it out too and keep working on my interests. Then comes work C. Meanwhile, it is the deadline of work A. So, there is a rush, hurry and stress. By then, it is the deadline of work B and C. Work D arrives. Oof! Morever, I dint finish on my private thought work either. This has been the scenario for past 8 months.
One could always say, why dint you finish work A as and when it arrived instead of having given priority for your thoughts. Well, i cant. I just cant! Would I have rather typed the document I need to give tomorrow than this post? No, I cannot get myself to do that and therein lies my crisis with life. :(