I got a mail today... from the most unexpected person ever!
Of late, there has been a surge in a certain type of boredom - (Oh yes! there are diff types of them)one that usually stems from loneliness.With due acknowledgment to that fact, I confess that I have become addicted to opening gmail, yahoomail and fb five to six times a day. I dont do anything there. I sign in, stroll up the page, stroll down the page and sign out. The entire process usually gets over in a couple of minutes. A personal mail from anyone probably prompted by my thought waves, is received with a lot of joy and reverence. However, it sure does get on the nerves, given that such instances have become rare occurrences and the only mail that keeps turning in the inbox seems to be promotional newsletters and annoying fwds that threaten to doom my life if I dint send them to 6 ppl immediately. If I did obey the instruction however, the angel of 'forwards' supposedly wld get pleased and grant my wish or the love of my life will reveal himself. Huh!?! Still, not willing to eliminate any possibilities whatsoever, I have reserved it as my last resort. For now, they go straight to the trash can!
Today though, something caught my eye - A mail... a letter in fact. From me! From the ghost of Sinduja past or rather, the self tht existed a few yrs back. A letter that I had written to the 'future me' in 2007. It was an amusing / amazing experience reading it! :) For anyone wondering how it happened, well, check out the site, futureme.org. This site allows you to write letters to yourself that will be delivered to your mail at a future date that you can set. It could be the near future like say, a couple of months or as far as 2035!
Most of the exchanges between me and my past self are better kept a secret. Yet, I remember, when I wrote it four yrs back, Sinduja of 2010 was beyond grasp to me. I had thought, she would be all serious, mature, practical and grown up. She would find the ramblings of the letter kiddish and smile to herself. And most importantly, she would have by then achieved all that I was striving for. A lot of the mail spoke on all the things I seriously wanted to be down the lane. Today, those 'covetings' no longer mean anything to me. I wonder why they had consumed me so much then. And all the more, I wonder why I missed a lot of other small joys, getting obsessed with these goals.
Of course, the one shortcoming of this mail compared to others will be that you cant reply back. The past is no more. Yet, I hope I could wish to whisper to that ghost of the past, 'Hey! I am still the same or rather, you have still not changed. Yes, certain things have changed. The people whom you thought were precious turned out to be not really worth it. The goals that you fought so much for have vanished into thin air leaving no trace of importance or influence. Looking back, you did make a lot of blunders... missed a lot of things. I wish I could undo them all. Yet, I shall not, for they have made me what I am today. I will stick to keeping them as cues for the travel today. Life dint become perfect in 4 yrs as you thought it will. Yet, I am glad it dint for that gives a reason to move on. You still live within and you always shall...life is beautiful! '
Though most of the contents of the letter are best kept confidential, the concluding sentences do require a mention:
I know you are having a rocking life...far better than what I am. You should be... for I am doing all I can to ensure that. Tc and dont forget me! ;)
Am I having a rocking life now? Far better than what I did 4 years back? Well, some things have become better, some other worse. Certain desires discarded, having their place taken by new ones. If I did think 4 yrs back though that life would have become perfect by now, then definitely I was wrong. Perhaps life would never become perfect. Perhaps there is nothing called perfection. Perhaps it is perfect as it is. At every stage, there would always be something else to wish for.
It is always funny how in all our goal planning sessions, 'future' is always supposed to be some glorious place in our minds, when everything would be alright and complete and we would be happy. If there was anything that the mail taught me, it is how foolish it is to wait to get happy till accomplishment happens; how foolish it is to be obsessed with destinations, when the journey is paved with beauty all along. If I have to write a mail to my self of 4 years hence, I still could write a long list of wishes that I hope the future me would have gotten. Yet, if did write one today, I think it would just be one stating how beautiful life is right now, just the way it is, even without any of the wishes fulfilled. The concluding line would perhaps be
I am having a rocking life right now. I believe you are too... since you have already learnt that having a rocking life doesnt depend on what has been achieved and what is yet to be. Tc... I live in you :)
Think the post has strayed too far along the path of serious content. Anyways, I suggest you try this site. Years later, it indeed is a special feeling to see that one awesome mail in your inbox from your own yesteryear self, reminding of all things good and bad in that one facet of life that you should never forget completely - the past. Reading through old diaries too, gives these precious moments of nostalgia, gets you more in touch with yourself and imparts a feeling of pride for all the thoughts that brought us here. At the least, it could liven you up when your inbox becomes as dry as mine did.
(P.S - The post has been in the drafts folder for quite a long time and I wish to add that at the point of time when this is getting published, the boredom has quite vanished. Meanwhile a proper net access has completely vanished and that explains the lack of posts for quite a month. Hopefully the situation will improve, though I seem to have coped amazingly well with the absence of the net - something I would have thought impossible till a few weeks back. Cheers!)
The next two posts will be two stories - the only 2 stories I have ever written. I wrote them when I was 15 - so... well, it would be fair not to have expectations! :). There was a popular weekly magazine called 'Young Times' - quite among the city teens then; a primary mode of knowing all the buzz that was happening in the town. They had a column which selected and published Short Story entries from readers. I sent mine with a lot of hope - both were published - some stroke of luck! I wld say, and for that reason, they wld always be special to me, for they showed me the joy of seeing one's words - MY words - on print... a joy that continues to live and nourish certain dreams.