"Where is the story you promised?" you ask.
Well, it is in there in my drafts folder. Just another paragraph to be added and lo! it could hit the blog screen!
"Ummm...okk, so what are you waiting for?"
Mmm...I...I frankly dont know. Trust me!
'What am I waiting for?' is the question I ask myself a zillion times these days. What am I waiting for to publish all those posts that are almost done? What am I waiting for to get that chaotic mess of a work desk in order? What am I waiting for to start sorting a million thoughts entangled and twined together? What am I waiting for to get life in shape?
Now, though it might seem that the intensity of efforts to do the list of items mentioned above needs to increase with every succeeding item in order, the truth is, all it takes for all of it is just an hour or so of time with a clear mind prepared to act! An hour or so can be had easily. Thankfully I have not yet come to that point in life where I need to beg for an hour off from the work dumped on my to-do list. But a clear mind prepared to act? Ah! that would be the top thing on my wish list.
One possibility is perhaps that I have gotten plain lazy with time. Lazy to act, lazy to talk... worst of all, lazy to think! Yes, that could sure be likely. Yet, why should a lazy mind acknowledge that there is so much yet to do in life? Why should the lazy mind have such an acute realization of the plethora of possibilities and experience that the future could hold? Why should the lazy mind still know at the back of it, of what is to be done, how it is to be done and why it needs to be done? It would be ideal if a lazy mind is dumb, ignorant and devoid of ambitions. A lazy mind ought not to be idealistic, aspiring and lover of all the good things life could present. It is a truly lethal combination. Yet, is such a combination even possible?
What then, if the laziness is merely a symptom of something more deep and not a state by itself. What if the unending procrastination was caused by something else? Perhaps, I have just put myself on hold. Pressed the pause button in life... waiting...waiting for the perfect time...the right conditions to start everything else. Yes, that is it - Indulging in conditional clauses in life. "Let that first happen... then, I would do the rest" ... but 'that' never happened. or rather, is still yet to happen. So, the 'rest' are in a never-ending state of rest. Is one incapable of indulging in multiple tasks simultaneously? Are we limited by the capacity to devote energy to just one major goal of life at one time? An affirmative answer would be a big lie..a major sham... and yes, my biggest mistake of life.
Waiting for one thing to happen and letting everything else wait for the same has been the blunder that cost a lot - lot of time, lot of joy, a lot of hair (literally!) and a hell a lot of people! It is all about balance. Yet, the irony of life lies in the fact that soemtimes, mere realizations have little power to commence a process of change. Realizing that gossiping is wrong is one thing. Yet, stopping yourslef from gossiping the next day, is something that requires far more subtle and gross changes to happen in the mysterious neural connections of the mind.
Waiting for so long, perhaps the mind has found solace in stagnation. The mind resists change, BIG TIME and would send across any thought of overwhelming power to force you to believe against your deeply held values, goals and aspirations. When thoughts themselves then could be masked enemies, the only solution that exists - DONT THINK! JUST DO IT! A friend of mine often remarks, 'you think too much!', and I would stammer a reply .."Umm..yeahh', thinking whether that was meant as a compliment or a cue for all my woes. In the end, I would know that irrespective of how he meant it, it really is the latter.
If life indeed is all about balance, then I guess thinking as a process too got to be in balance. I can vouch for a fact that most of the people I meet out there never think. By, think, I dont mean your decision-making while driving or in work or conjuring a plan to surprise your boss. Yes, a lot of thinking is involved in all these, accepted. The 'thinking' that I am talking about is by no means superior to that involved in the tasks mentioned. Yet, the 'thinking' that I talk about is one that is encountered the least... and one, that does not perhaps have very strong relationship to education... it is about maturity, intra-personal knowledge, meta-physical analysis and connections from within and with the self. It could probably be had by anyone, more from a spark by an experience than ernest attempts. Probably a few minutes of meditation could get you 'thinking'... probably hours of meditation might not. It just got to happen. It got to be meant to happen.