When discussions concerning destiny vs. free -will used to surface among friends, I was one of those few who said that everything was pre-determined in life; the script is set and we are merely playing it out. The others vehemently tried to convince us out of this thought or probably secretly convince themselves out of this possibility. Our theory made them feel powerless... mere puppets in the hands of destiny. It, after all, feels good to believe that I chose MY success, I chose MY happiness and it was MY intelligence, effort, strategy and tact that brought me to this point" (E for Ego ;))
"What, then, is the point of living at all, if life is already determined?", they chirruped.
"Umm, well, I never said there was a point" ;D
To dwell further on the topic would require us to plunge headlong into meta-physics and theology and prod on the questions, which neither was my purpose nor lies in the best of my interests, considering the fact that the greatest philosophers are still debating over it. Wishing good luck to them and backing off a bit, so as to allow their debate to carry on uninterrupted, I come to MY case.
Forget whether choice exists or not, but is choice always a good thing to have? Is being allowed to make a choice always a great boon?
I probably would have thought in the affirmative a few months back. Yet, today, I feel otherwise. For, with power comes responsibility. With decisions come the possibility of failure and regret. What is a greater agony? - knowing that life is shit or knowing that I landed myself in this shit?
At every turn, there always seem to be two roads branching out. Taking a wrong road might jeopardize a lot of things that could take a long time to reset. Trying to figure which road to take means to try to figure out what I need my destination to be. Trying to finalize the destination means trying to know who I am and what I need in this lifetime. This is a difficult task. For, only taking a road and journeying will tell me about myself. So, it is a vicious cycle.
At some point, I am so exasperated that I just let go and pick one. Fears still are in me but I just have to trust in life and have faith that there will always be another turn to lead to better ways if this one fails. I look around and see people not pondering so much at every turn and choosing their roads as easily as choosing what to wear. I wonder if I am the one not willing to take a leap of faith in life. The others too have big dreams and plans for their destination. Then how is it, that they take decisions so easily? I wonder if I am the one not willing to take a leap of faith in myself.
Perhaps the best decisions come when you are least pushing yourself to decide. Under pressure, it is always the same dead end, whether you are thinking for one minute or analyzing for one week. I decide to loosen up and enjoy the road I have taken. Good or bad, it sure cant be devoid of interesting places, people and experience!
So, you see, choice is not always a great thing. It is sometimes a relief when there is just one road and you are forced to take it. At least you can blame 'life' for your misery!! ;)