Years ago, as a starry eyed dreamer, I read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, feeling the surge of a kind of passion that I had seldom experienced before. At that point, to me, it captured the essence of everything idealistic that a life truly ought to stand for - believing in one's passion, listening to the heart, traveling to make dreams come true, meeting new people, finding love etc.
However after that, I slowly started drifting away from fiction. I was only keen on picking non-fiction from the shelves. Non-fiction was simpler - it laid the facts on a plate and served them to you, it gave the analysis and required less imagination. Perhaps I was losing the creativity of pensive deduction. Perhaps I was losing the patience to go through an entire story to come to a conclusion; or maybe I didn't like dramatization anymore. While I would definitely vouch for the truth in the former arguments, I also, will stand by the last one with a resolve, even higher - since, it allows me to put the blame on the medium. Yet, the truth is I was getting weary of glorification and while some novels did do an excellent job of creating colours from shades of reality, most of them over-did the art.
It is just like in the movies. Certain movies do stand testimony that story telling can be an effective medium to get the message across without much of tale twisting . Yet, a lot of them grotesquely cross the line and take it upon themselves to make what is, interesting beyond the point of justified exaggeration, thus making the bad seem devilish, the good seem divine and life seem larger than it is, end of the day making you regret your dull colorless existence. I sought to escape from this trap.
Yet today, I was back to meeting the man who yielded power over me through his words not so long ago - Paulo Coelho. I really tried my best to resist spending time reading the books. The thought of someone preaching far fetched para psychological philosophies to me was not attractive. Yet, I finally had to submit myself , seeking to escape sheer boredom, to spending time on his 'The Witch of Portabello' and 'The Devil and Miss Prym'.
Something long forgotten was kindled again. A couple of years back, I had it all in my cards - Experimenting with trance dance, seeking esoteric experiences, getting in touch with masters, knowing the vertex of light...I had actively planned for all these adventures. Seeing them all again today in his words made me realize how long it really has been and how completely I had forgotten about it all in the last two years. Its not that I have gotten busier. I am still the procrastinating student that I was. Yet, today I am more concerned on making myself fit to getting capable - capable and resourceful to handle the practical world. My plans are more centered on knowing how to invest, seeking cost-effective ways of shopping, efficiently handling gadgets without breaking them down(serious), learning to drive and getting over the retardation at making contacts.
As I sit up and wonder whatever happened to me, I realize...I realize that it had very much been a conscious decision to change; when I had finally acknowledged that in order to completely immerse oneself in the profound, abstract and spiritual, one first needed to have a firm control over everything worldly, practical and materialistic.
In order for me to elucidate the thoughts behind this reasoning, I need summarize a few concepts of the Science of Personality that will help validate the point in better light. Of course, I have always wanted to share these old theories in this blog and I shall do so in subsequent posts. These are things that have always held my interest, perhaps as an answer to my incessant questioning of why I often turn out to feel so maladaptive in my surroundings. It stands true to me. It might not to you, though I do believe someone somewhere someday will chance across it and muster the courage to awaken hope again in their heart. Not that I will ever let myself believe that my writing is powerful...yet, life can create miracles from anyone's random words.
I do not expect everyone who reads this to do so without wondering about the far-fetched aspect of it all. I have always believed that it is okay to be skeptical. It is also okay to be a detached observer.
Yet, what demeans the experience of life is being judgmental and thinking we have the authority to label things as right, wrong, weird etc; authority to label people as good, bad, dumb, great, loser etc. In other words, do not believe. Do not disbelieve. Just be open.