Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Why listeners are unhappy individuals

I am usually not for ridiculing or rebuking people on the blog; always feel that they could have their own justification for doing what they did. But sometimes, my nerves get the better of me. Really. At this moment that I am writing this, I swear I feel so vindicated! *Evil Laugh* Ha Ha Ha! I hear that familiar voice inside me go "Some people of this world so deserve this! $#^&&^^*^*"

" This friend of mine.. well, she is getting dumped by her guy"

"Oh..Why?"

"I guess she was being very possessive and stuff"

"Ah! Many girls are that way these days, you know. I have told you about my friend Ritu right. She always used to nag her guy asking where he went and what he was doing and..............."

***
"I think I am having a bad head ache. I am feeling very groggy these days in the morning"

"Me too! I was telling my uncle the other day about how I am feeling sleepy ALL the time. In fact yesterday, I went to sleep by 9 PM but guess when I woke up? Oh! you won't believe it!...."

***

"I am going to see him today! I am so happy!!"

"Of course, you will be! You know, every time I go to see my guy, I simply won't be able to sleep for the previous night. And oh! guess what? He loved the card I made for him. Swetha also liked it. She told me to make one for her..."

***

Dear
  Yes. I know. I am what the world calls a 'good listener'. I always have been. But you have to know something about me... In fact, I wonder if you know anything at all about me! Do you know how many siblings I have? Do you know what my favorite food is? I am thinking not. But I, on the other hand, know everything from the date you first started crawling to how many times a day your mother fasts to your neighbour's pet dog's name and where you met your boy friend the same day last year!

"But you never talk about yourself!", you protest! Well, that, my dear, is because you never let me to! Ever! Every time I make a statement, I am guessing there is a secret bell in your brain that goes 'Ding'! signaling you to immediately start your verbal biography with the most relevant word from my statement. And just because I nod does not mean I approve, you dimwit!

Firstly, you have to understand that I was not born in this world for the sole purpose of writing a book about you.  Really, who do you think you are? Clearly, you are thinking that you are the most important person in this world with the most interesting life.Well, here is bad news for you, darling. To me, I AM the most important person. I care a rat's ass about what your aunt's brother-in-law thinks about you or where you are planning to go for your fiftieth anniversary.

Of course, to a certain extent, every one of us have the need to recount, express and share. Yet, how can you be so abnormally self-obsessed and not even know it? And not just once or twice. This seems to be one behavior that God must have spent weeks sticking to your genes with a strong adhesive.

Some people like quiet. That does not mean they have boards hanging over them - "Can't wait to listen to you". You need to stop exploiting them. Really. The worst form of which is using them to boost your own ego - telling your own stories, hearing your own name over and over again. Won't a sound recorder do? 

Okay. To be fair, since my natural aptitude inclines towards listening more than talking, I do not mind hearing your stories; at least most of the time. What irritates me is when YOU are not willing to listen to mine, even  during the rare instances I tell mine and instead take it as a cue to cut me short and tell something from your drab life. 

And you are actually wondering why you are so unpopular? Take my advice and go look up 'listen' in the dictionary. That might help.

Yours sincerely,
Your unhappy listener.

*Dedicated to all the "good listeners" of this world whose only listener is perhaps a white space to type on!*

( The following paragraph was added 30 minutes after the above post was first published:

Well, perhaps they are not to blame. After all I wonder if they would be so verbose about themselves if they only knew how irritating it really was, on the listener. Maybe that just is the way their brain works - setting its focal point and thoughts on itself... just as how  our brain is wired to ask questions and lead people to talk. Yes, definitely, it is a very annoying trait to have. But surely not worse than jealousy or stealing or other stuff with malicious intentions. And in a world with increasing isolation, perhaps these people just need to keep defining themselves. They must surely like us...to actually trust so much of information with us..and surely must be feeling grateful at the end of the day. 

 The key, I guess, for listeners, who find themselves at the receiving end, is to diplomatically cut them short or perhaps avoid them when there is a lot of work.

In a reality where every relationship is a symbiotic one, being wanted is not a bad thing I guess.  And if there is a way quiet can actually make a person feel good and relieved, well, no  big harm I guess. Sigh! Peace!)

21 comments:

Priyanka said...

Kudos, 'listeners' did need that one.
And whatte rant. You've been 'listening' for quite a while I suppose:P

Indumathy Sukanya said...

I have no track of how many such chatterboxes I've had to live with!
They annoy the crap out of me. Period!
And you got a big heart, lady!
I could never sympathise with them!

Btw, rant post from you,huh? Thats something new! :D

nonchalant psyche said...

after issues of black and white we are finally back to what we do best - defining the grey areas :)

dont mind the we btw :D

I dont wanna add any pt to wat you have said - but just a situation to ponder over - A girl tells her bf abt an issue she faced recently - the guy who was able to understand her pain mainly because he had went through the same issue - so he starts by giving an account on what he did back then - will this fall under the category you are trying to frame here? and plz dont give an ans which says - its fine as long as he links that with her situation resulting in alleviating her pain. ;)


btw its a relief you didnt venture into the gender issue in this topic :D

Sindu said...

@Priyanka: Ah, quite a while? It feels like ages. A looooong time of misery! :)

@Indumathy: This morning I wake up and wonder why I needed to have added that 'Mother Teresa' thing. Ah! Talk of a wavering mind! :)

And yes...quite a change of genre isn't it? It feels good. Now I understand how much of pleasure all those chatter boxes must have been having all the while talking about themselves... at my expense. Grrr.

Sindu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sindu said...

@NP: I mention somewhere in the middle of the post that it has happened not just once or twice but every time, in all kinds of situations. Of course, we all do need to take a leaf out of our own lives at times but let us not have an EQ low enough to do that ALL the time. Also, my main contention is also that they NEVER listen to what I have to say. So, I guess your e.g. doesn't apply.

And no! I see both the genders having these irritants! :) Ahaa...btw looks like someone was reminded of something in their life. ;)

Anonymous said...

LOL. Enjoyed reading this post. Nice to hear you rant; as others have affirmed, a first on your blog.

In a reality where every relationship is a symbiotic one, being wanted is not a bad thing I guess.
So true - so listeners should be thankful to the cribbers for enriching their lives. :D

-V

nonchalant psyche said...

not exactly a reminder :-) its more inclined towards a blogpost am writin for a long time - which deals with d gender side of this topic to a certain extent :-) ogpost am writin for a long time - which deals with d gender side of this topic to a certain extent :-)

Sindu said...

@V: Why is the 'you' italicized? I have not YET transcended the nitty-gritty of mortal life, you know. :)

@NP: Don't even get me started on your 'long time'. Hmph!

CHIBI said...

This Post Kinda spoke to me.. I have this sort of uncontrolled reflex feedback mechanism by which I have to tell something of my own experience when someone tells me about their experience. I don't do it intentionally but it just happens..!

but irony is that, i remember everything the other person said whereas, what i told them is lost.. they hardly care..! so where does that put me? a unhappy listener or the gritty talker..? or maybe a new exception ? :P

Abhishek said...

you know , its only after you've practically heard them out that they realize they've put all their eggs in one basket .

Its why some people choose to stay quiet , even if they do seem moody and...... distant.

Some people talk a lot , but only when they have someone to listening to 'em . When you choose to ignore them , they do get mad , but in the end , they will come back .

You should know that :)

Natarajan Sundaram said...

wo wo wo! Who is that lucky one who poked at you for this post? somebody would have made u listen so badly in recent times i guess!
but good. u didnt pack a bunch of blows on their face, and instead wrote it down!
Good one. really good one..!

Sindu said...

@Chibi: Ohh..you are one of 'them'? :D Oops *embarassed smiley* Lol, well... actually I have to admit, after a while, I actually stopped 'listening' to this person. I had my own defense mechanisms - shut my mind off. But c'mon.. it was so not my fault. Maybe that is what happened to you? ;)

However, I will not believe you can be THAT bad. No way!

Sindu said...

@Abhishek: Interesting! :) Really. Never thought that way. Hmmm.. Boy, you are something!

Sindu said...

@Abhishek: Interesting! :) Really. Never thought that way. Hmmm.. Boy, you are something!

Sindu said...

@Natarajan : Thanks pal! However, some would ask why I didn't go tell that person directly and instead am writing it down. What you term as kindness might be hypocrisy for others. However, I don't think it is the latter. I think I cannot just tell someone to shut up! No!

karthick r said...

Boy! Someone must have really tick'd you off.
And +1 on the Symbiosis part.
Implicit isn't it? :)
I feel when you start cribbing
10% of them stop listening after you start using that *tone*
40% of them don't give a damn
and the rest 50% are happy that even you are going through the same thing.
So LUCK for bellyache'rs even there.

Sindu said...

Ah! Thanks for that Karthick... made me feel good! Grrr.. but well, while you are right on the part about the percentages, I have seen blogs gain a huge following merely because they cribbed so well... a lot of humor, wit and creative sarcasm. So, maybe it doesn't apply to writing. Here, since many of them who read do not know you, they love it when you put forward something that even they are going through.

All said, yes, bad habit! :) Agreed. :)

Srinidhi said...

Listening is hard you know. You have to hmm and nod and remember. :) I think i am a good listener. But I think I like to rant too. Maybe to a paper or anything or anyone who is willing to listen.

But I know what you mean. I had a room mates before this who really liked to talk. I knew them so well. They had such trouble even shopping for my birthday. :p Cause they didn't know me at all. :P
so you get the rift?! :P
But I blame myself. Cause I think i could have asked them to listen. Guess they don't they are doing it till you tell them they are. :)

Lovely post. So relate. :)

Sindu said...

@Srinidhi : Oh, do not blame yourself. If I am not wrong, I think it is a very innate trait and cannot be radically altered. As in, there is no way these chronic chatterboxes are ever going to become consistent listeners. They are the worst people to open up to.

Sometimes, you feel more anguished than when you started, if you have shared with a bad listener. Hence, I never try! ;)

CHIBI said...

the Comment by Srinidhi is exactly what i feel.. I had been in the same situation many times with my roommates like the situation she's said.. except the Gender was different..!