Monday, June 4, 2012

P.S - I Loathe You

A lot of things in this world defy reason. And one of the prime members of this list will always be human relationships - ever valiant in its record of defying reason, logic and understanding. 

Perhaps anything which involves effort and performance will always be a member of this category because we all quite well know that seldom is output perfectly correlated with the inputs of effort or energy put into something. And relationships loyally follow this mystery of sorts.

There have been people whom I have absolutely despised for no reason; whom I simply cannot stand the sight of. Well, I could, in retrospect, conjure reasons but surely, they were not so severe to warrant a reaction of that measure from me. And then, there have been people, to whose faults I have almost been near amnesiac. Like a giant wave swallowing everything on its path, the wave of warmth that surges in me for them gulps down anything unacceptable about them to forgettance. 

I think, primarily, this only makes me understand that problems, if any, is never with the other person. It is always with me. True, I have time and again told myself that if I am irritated with anyone, the fault almost certainly rests with me. And I believe it. However, little can belief do to change the habit or perception itself.  Hence, while, I acknowledge how irrational the human mind is, I can do little to set it right.

But should I, is the question. It is really worth the effort to create a world where I would well up with love for every person I meet? Is it possible? Why not simply avoid those who do not seem to strike the right chord? Yes, I wish such an easy way out from the complexities of life was possible. Yet, what if these are the people you need to spend the most of life with? What if avoidance is not a possibility? Should I give them the cold shoulders or flash the broadest of smiles in the last hope that doing might precede thinking?

I wish I could have the answers. Yet, right here and now, I only feel the less enlightened me, kicking hard in rebellion to escape this trap of frustration. These are moments which make mutual dislike feel like  great news, though it does bring with it, its own horrid troubles. But at least, you are not forever stuck in the guilt trap of finding yourself not feeling a thing for that nice person or worse, wishing that someone around simply disappears from the face of this planet for no reason of theirs.

Great lessons these are. For one thing, they teach you that something called a natural chemistry indeed exists. For another, you understand that it is pointless 'trying' to want someone to like you because these are reactions that apparently do not follow any logic or rationale. Sometimes, people will dislike us for no reason of ours and we have to live with it. 

18 comments:

Arumugam said...

The part where you talk about people to whose faults you have been near amnesiac,struck a chord with me.But later ,don't you think at some point in time ,you're like "What the hell was I thinking?"
I think there is usually a reason for what you call natural chemistry,some not conscious,could be a resemblance to someone or something in the past.
One more thing I have noticed is that,strange though it might sound,I usually despise people who seem to have the same weaknesses/bad qualities as me! What I despise in myself,I despise in others too. But this is only for bad qualities.,not for good ones. Some kind of psychological projection, transference?


PS:Just returned from a short trip to Chennai today,and one question to all Chennaites.How do you guys survive the climate? I was in a state where as they say "was willing to auction my grandmother" for an air conditioner:)

ganeshputtu said...

OOF!!!! (*sweating*) the title said it all...but thanks anyway for letting me down gently in the post..there were no actual abuse/swear words..you didn't damage any of my ancestors, my ears don't have blood leaking out of them...so all in all- i think i got away fairly lightly this time...but a whole post to talk about me? i am IMPRESSED...

Abhishek said...

Life might've been much.... " easier " if we were one of those people almost everyone seems to like huh ? :P ( Come on. I'm sure we've all got someone we know who's of the sort :| )

Then there's the theory of want and need. To be wanted , or to be needed ? The ideal choice would be both. But sadly , we can't always have what we want =/ ( One of life's greatest disappointments perhaps ? )

Between life's doings said...

yes! been there and often find myself going back there. There are people that just bring out the worst in me and some that I will always always dislike. They are my teachers, they are the ones that open me up to this world of upside-down-inside-out Aarathi that I dislike and for that I am grateful (in retrospect only, ofcourse).

phatichar said...

Chill. :)

CHIBI said...

"For another, you understand that it is pointless 'trying' to want someone to like you because these are reactions that apparently do not follow any logic or rationale."

I have found a meaningful logic and rationale behind presence of certain people in my life, yet i do not know if that logic holds true or am just making an hypothesis to satisfy myself... I guess it flows to the last line anyway.. we just have to live with it.. :P

Anonymous said...

you sound like a person filled with negativity. The people whom you hate might be least bothered of what you think about them and have a wonderful life. But this attitude of yours will only leave behind frustration and sorrow for an entire life for you. Try to change yourself or you will have no other choice but to live with it.

Sinduja said...

@Arumugam: Ah! This must have been my longest delay. So sorry. But I am sure you know the reason.

I guess by now the whole context of this post must have gone out of mind but nevertheless, thanks for the interesting point. Hmmm..do I despise in others what I despise in myself? Actually... I wonder what I despise in myself. Lol...no, I am not at all narcissistic. Far from it. Yet, I wouldn't use the term 'despise'. Perhaps 'yearn to improvise' would be better.

And yes, I think the things I try to correct in myself - I don't like seeing it only in the opposite sex. I like it when the girls have it. Ah! yes. Thanks for bringing this to light. Interesting. And I see a rationale behind it. Don't you? :)

Sinduja said...

@Ganesh: :D Lol... I wouldn't be so kind on you. So, no, it was not you!

@Abhishek: I knoooooooooow!! Damn.. there are people like that. And you know what, I have liked them too and I think they so deserve it!

To be wanted or needed? There is a need behind every relationship, I feel. Even being wanted is the process of fulfilling a need of someone. Sometimes, I feel it is better to not be needed at all...

Sinduja said...

@Aarathi: That is a beautiful perspective Aarathi and profoundly beautiful as always, coming from you. But I wonder when I will get the energy to actually rectify this upside-down-inside-out me.

@phatichar: :)

Sinduja said...

@Chibi: Chibi, I meant to say that there is no logic that seems to be apparently followed in liking a person...not for having a person. For the presence of people in our life, yes, there always is a reason. But like you wonderfully said, it might be a meaning we construct to have things make sense. So nothing will ever happen for nothing I guess! :)

Sinduja said...

@Anonymous: Ah, you are absolutely right Anon. Lot of negativity in me. And again, you are bang on when you say that almost all the time, it is me who is the main person affected. But a lot of this article also talks of people who try so hard to be a part of my life (Not that I am some great being. We all try to be in others' lives), who do everything nice but still I end up not wanting them. Perhaps I hate to be forced to become a part of another's life. Yes. That is it and the struggle with that is what this spoke about. Thanks for the comment!

Karthick said...

Good one ..!!

anitha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Yaay! So you are still alive. :)

Psst... who is it?

-V

ganeshputtu said...

hmm!!! people say something on your blog and immediately delete it..shows how much you have frightened them all sindu...should i be too? frightened of you?

Vicky Dada (Vikas) said...

So miss.waterfall, chould you just look at realizing your own self in this world, rather than looking at establishing the right connections with people around? Maybe the reason one is confused about relationships, and the chord does not strike right, is because our chord is not meant for all that at all? Maybe our chord is only meant to strike with our own inner self.

PS: Just a very silly observation. You have been gracious enough to list my blog on your page, but its title needs to be updated. :)

Shruti Mukundan said...

ah... i know how frustrating it can be. been there... seen all that... still living with it. btw i came across ur blog thanks to a friend of mine Karthick who kept jibber jabbering about how he came across this 'amazing' blog, and how much the 'thought process' of u 2 match. I must say, i felt like am just reading his blog. FYI am a big fan of his writing and always end up asking him to take life a little light on toes and to stop overthinking so much. Guess the same advice for u too but then it was an amazing read. keep writing! would love to stopby sooner again.