A lot of things in this world defy reason. And one of the prime members of this list will always be human relationships - ever valiant in its record of defying reason, logic and understanding.
Perhaps anything which involves effort and performance will always be a member of this category because we all quite well know that seldom is output perfectly correlated with the inputs of effort or energy put into something. And relationships loyally follow this mystery of sorts.
There have been people whom I have absolutely despised for no reason; whom I simply cannot stand the sight of. Well, I could, in retrospect, conjure reasons but surely, they were not so severe to warrant a reaction of that measure from me. And then, there have been people, to whose faults I have almost been near amnesiac. Like a giant wave swallowing everything on its path, the wave of warmth that surges in me for them gulps down anything unacceptable about them to forgettance.
I think, primarily, this only makes me understand that problems, if any, is never with the other person. It is always with me. True, I have time and again told myself that if I am irritated with anyone, the fault almost certainly rests with me. And I believe it. However, little can belief do to change the habit or perception itself. Hence, while, I acknowledge how irrational the human mind is, I can do little to set it right.
But should I, is the question. It is really worth the effort to create a world where I would well up with love for every person I meet? Is it possible? Why not simply avoid those who do not seem to strike the right chord? Yes, I wish such an easy way out from the complexities of life was possible. Yet, what if these are the people you need to spend the most of life with? What if avoidance is not a possibility? Should I give them the cold shoulders or flash the broadest of smiles in the last hope that doing might precede thinking?
I wish I could have the answers. Yet, right here and now, I only feel the less enlightened me, kicking hard in rebellion to escape this trap of frustration. These are moments which make mutual dislike feel like great news, though it does bring with it, its own horrid troubles. But at least, you are not forever stuck in the guilt trap of finding yourself not feeling a thing for that nice person or worse, wishing that someone around simply disappears from the face of this planet for no reason of theirs.
Great lessons these are. For one thing, they teach you that something called a natural chemistry indeed exists. For another, you understand that it is pointless 'trying' to want someone to like you because these are reactions that apparently do not follow any logic or rationale. Sometimes, people will dislike us for no reason of ours and we have to live with it.