I have become a very bitter person these days. I have become a more bitter person these days.
At any moment, I am either angry or ready to spew expletives – angry with myself for some stupid decisions, angry with certain people for influencing these decisions and most importantly, angry with a world that runs a system which entertains the realities brought forth by such decisions.
I am angry with buses that never come on time; and when they finally come, five buses to the same route come together. Sometimes, after a long wait, a bus does come but passes without stopping. At those moments, I feel like starting a protest or worse, throwing a stone and breaking the windows of these things to make them stop. I am angry with conductors who can’t move their asses up and come and collect the tickets. I am angry with men who don’t understand that after a long day, we are too tired to even get worked up about their ogling at us.
I am angry with people whose only high point in the day comes with having that couple of seconds to brush against a woman. I am angry that I have become too numb to even react or give them a piece of my mind. I am angry with the people outside these buses in cars with blaring music who will never experience such things day in and out. I am angry with the high society women who never have to work nine-to-five and strut about in designer clothes, taking care of designer boutiques gifted by their fathers.
I am angry with individuals who assume that they are the centre of my universe. I am angry with their inability to empathize with my need for a break and have the audacity to tire me with their heavy exhausting sentiments day in and day out.
I am angry with entrepreneurs who make people work so that they can enjoy their life. I am coming to think that entrepreneurship is a simply a cleverly crafted monetizable plan on how to make others work for you so that you need not work for anyone, ever and have a blast every day doing what you love outside office.
I am angry with delusional, seriously disturbed managers, who have lost all traces of warmth and think that their product is the next best boon to the universe and OUGHT to be the next media sensation, no matter what. I am angry with their pathetic inability to see the pointlessness of their jobs.
I am angry with hierarchies. I am angry with inequality. I am angry with suffering.
Sometimes, I feel all this anger getting pent up within me is surely going to make me do something drastic soon. But the beauty of all this is – I finally understand what it is to be angry, to be really angry – with problems greater than those concerning my own life. There are two ways out when you are confronted by a frustrating environment - you can either get repelled or you get angry. The former leads to escapism. The latter leads to a desperation to fight back.
All that someone needs to do right now is perhaps prod me a little to rebel and I will willingly raise slogans and mouth curses at all the inefficiency and injustice (with special curses reserved for the bus department).
A really intelligent girl in my class once told me that the biggest pity is that we middle-class folks have forgotten how to be angry. We are too passive and that is our problem. Where there is passivity, there is never going to be real meaningful change. I think I am finally beginning to understand her.
At times, I feel like I dropped in here from another world. My campus was another world. It was located far from the hustle and bustle of the city, though thinking of it now, Coimbatore itself was quite a dream city. A scene of the serene hills of the Western Ghats was the view outside our windows. The sprawling green campus was a self-sustaining peaceful community of its own. There was everything we needed – a grocery, a clinic, a play-ground, a canteen, an electrical shop, a tailoring shop – everything needed to go about life, sans crowd, pollution, bitterness, aggressive competition and most importantly, pointless consumerism. People walked slower, smiled more and seemed less exhausted.
Why can’t we all live in communities like the one in the movie ‘The Village’ – far from the noise and lights and brain-washed, non-thinking masses – a world where people reach out to one another. A fairy tale.