Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Nice meeting you, Mr.Anger

I have become a very bitter person these days. I have become a more bitter person these days.

At any moment, I am either angry or ready to spew expletives – angry with myself for some stupid decisions, angry with certain people for influencing these decisions and most importantly, angry with a world that runs a system which entertains the realities brought forth by such decisions.

I am angry with buses that never come on time; and when they finally come, five buses to the same route come together. Sometimes, after a long wait, a bus does come but passes without stopping. At those moments, I feel like starting a protest or worse, throwing a stone and breaking the windows of these things to make them stop. I am angry with conductors who can’t move their asses up and come and collect the tickets. I am angry with men who don’t understand that after a long day, we are too tired to even get worked up about their ogling at us. 

 I am angry with people whose only high point in the day comes with having that couple of seconds to brush against a woman. I am angry that I have become too numb to even react or give them a piece of my mind. I am angry with the people outside these buses in cars with blaring music who will never experience such things day in and out. I am angry with the high society women who never have to work nine-to-five and strut about in designer clothes, taking care of designer boutiques gifted by their fathers.

I am angry with individuals who assume that they are the centre of my universe. I am angry with their inability to empathize with my need for a break and have the audacity to tire me with their heavy exhausting sentiments day in and day out.

I am angry with entrepreneurs who make people work so that they can enjoy their life. I am coming to think that entrepreneurship is a simply a cleverly crafted monetizable plan on how to make others work for you so that you need not work for anyone, ever and have a blast every day doing what you love outside office.

I am angry with delusional, seriously disturbed managers, who have lost all traces of warmth and think that their product is the next best boon to the universe and OUGHT to be the next media sensation, no matter what. I am angry with their pathetic inability to see the pointlessness of their jobs.

I am angry with hierarchies. I am angry with inequality. I am angry with suffering.

Sometimes, I feel all this anger getting pent up within me is surely going to make me do something drastic soon. But the beauty of all this is – I finally understand what it is to be angry, to be really angry – with problems greater than those concerning my own life. There are two ways out when you are confronted by a frustrating environment - you can either get repelled or you get angry. The former leads to escapism. The latter leads to a desperation to fight back. 

All that someone needs to do right now is perhaps prod me a little to rebel and I will willingly raise slogans and mouth curses at all the inefficiency and injustice (with special curses reserved for the bus department). 

A really intelligent girl in my class once told me that the biggest pity is that we middle-class folks have forgotten how to be angry. We are too passive and that is our problem. Where there is passivity, there is never going to be real meaningful change. I think I am finally beginning to understand her.

At times, I feel like I dropped in here from another world. My campus was another world. It was located far from the hustle and bustle of the city, though thinking of it now, Coimbatore itself was quite a dream city. A scene of the serene hills of the Western Ghats was the view outside our windows. The sprawling green campus was a self-sustaining peaceful community of its own. There was everything we needed – a grocery, a clinic, a play-ground, a canteen, an electrical shop, a tailoring shop – everything needed to go about life, sans crowd, pollution, bitterness, aggressive competition and most importantly, pointless consumerism. People walked slower, smiled more and seemed less exhausted.

Why can’t we all live in communities like the one in the movie ‘The Village’ – far from the noise and lights and brain-washed, non-thinking masses – a world where people reach out to one another. A fairy tale. 


Karthick said...

I thought you own a private jet to commute :D, Just kidding chill :D.
Anger management should come to you instinctively , you are an Indian in India :).

ganeshputtu said...

Ah!!! Anger, that most enervating of emotions. As i read somewhere the secret to every greats persons success was their anger at the appropriate moment for the appropriate thing and it is indeed a thrilling feeling to have righteous anger flowing through you, when you look beyond your own concerns and feel for others who cannot express theirs. fighting your battles is a heady feeling but more satisfying is fighting for others who need help. it shows that you have the heart to look beyond your initial circle. and i seriously sympthzie with your daily ordeal in public transport- i see so many stories on a daily basis from my femal friends and i kind of cringed when you talked about the uncaring people going along in their cars, i am guilty as charged, will try and see if i can change too. BTW, Your village (the one you are looking for) is all around you, if you would stop/look around...your friends are there to support you, De-stress you and provide a safety valve- if you let us help you.

Tangled up in blue... said...

There's so many things wrong with the world and so much that isn't fair that it's enough to drive anyone wild with anger at not being able to fix the world.

I've often fantasised about settling down in a little cottage in the foothills of the Himalayas and working in a small clinic in a small town where I can be at peace and feel isolated from most of the evils of the world.

A friend of mine who works with the Handimachal Health Project is practically living my dream. But honestly, another part of me would feel it was a bit of a cop-out, as if I was fleeing the city to seek refuge in a safe place where I can stay ensconced forever.

Even 'The Village' had its flaws. I wonder if so much natural beauty makes it easier to tolerate inconveniences and if it's the noise and confusion of the cities perpetually cut off from that earthy simple existence is what makes people behave so badly with each other. Urban isolation leading to existential angst and other nastiness.

Then, I shake my head, go back to slogging in the first post of my residency and tell myself that whatever decision I make must wait another two and a half years. Sigh.

Also, every time someone angers me especially, I have a quote at the back of my mind that helps me cool down a bit, and while I know that Arumugam does these best, I wonder what you'll think of this one.

"He who angers you, conquers you."

I have rambled on, but it's wayyy past midnight, I'm on-call and it'll be a long long long time before I sleep!

Good luck and remember even 'The Village' wasn't an ideal place. You can never really keep the demons out. They're born on the inside.

C.V.Varun said...

Your emotions were blaring in this post. It hits the reader hard. Most of them, if not all are justified, but for most of them if not all, there is little that can be done about. It takes too much to solve little things. Who ever will teach the perverts in the bus a lesson. Maybe there are so many angry women in this world like you, who are so tired and angry at the world that they see no point in doing anything against a single issue.

The problem with being in a village? Everybody wants to move to city and grow bigger. And once they do, they realize that in their run for sating their other needs, they forgot the one thing that kept them going- Inner Peace!

Though, not appropriate to say, the fact is I think, this is one of your most well written blogs out here.

karthick r said...

middle class folks, in my opinion are thick skinned. we easily succumb to the "getting-used-to" syndrome.
And reg your angst -
Couldn't help but think about this....
~ cheers.!

Sinduja said...

@Karthick: Private jet?? Ha ha.. I wish. Actually, I don't..hmmm, because I don't dislike the bus ride per se.. it is just some other things associated with it... I feel so close to 'people' when I travel by bus, you know.

Anger management.. argh, I never imagined there was so much anger in me, though my mom always knew it apparently or so she says :D

Sinduja said...

@Ganesh: The most enervating? Sometimes, it is the most draining of them all, especially when it is followed by a feeling of helplessness.

Thank you for empathizing with the women who undergo subtle harassment everyday in the public buses. Although, like I told you before, it has become so much better in recent years (in my observation) and only a rare proportion of them pose a menace, once in a while, when it comes to causing seriously trouble.

As for your last statement, aww, thank you so much doctor. That was very sweet indeed. Well, it is true..even the worst of living conditions can be made far more happy in the presence of people who truly love and care :)

Sinduja said...

@K: Hey, thank you for understanding what it means to be angry with these things. You know, after writing this post, i felt odd if I had just dumped a bundle of negativity on to the readers and expected some sound advice to cheer up but well, you folks surprise me all the time :)

And your dream life at the foothills of the Himalayas - well, wow, I totally get it and I also think I know what you mean in the next line. Sometimes, this kind of an ideal life seems like the end of the movie with the subtitle ' happily ever after', which is quite scary in real life...where we might go like, "That's it??".

I believe that one's surroundings has an effect on one's character. i am sure it must have been proved that city folks are different in thinking and character than the small town ones but I guess each has its pros and cons. Perhaps on the contrary, I would hypothesize that all the noise and hurry here makes it easier to shut out the irking insufficiency that life holds - all the buzz distracts us from reality that can but only be depressing.

"He who angers you, conquers you" - Hmmm. :) I have pondered on these lines and I have never been able to arrive at a conclusion. Sometimes, I feel anger is a good tool to bring change.

Thank you for the lovely comment and the deep thinking it made me go through :)

Sinduja said...

@Varun - Lets not give up Varun. One peculiar pattern that always happens is, there is a threshold for every phenomenon. There will be little signs of change for a long long time and then, one final day, boom, some new change or technology or revolution, changes everything. It didn't actually happen overnight. All the thinking and fighting over many years caused the stir, though it might be hard to attribute this to the collective unconscious.

I think every person should live the life in a city for some time in life... because only then, will they get more appreciative of where they came from.

Sinduja said...

karthick - Hello.. first line romba serious ah, intelligent-sounding ah pottuta, udane next line la kalaaikalaama?

The Hulk? My God..lol.. I actually thought I was going to watch a video of some bus harassment incident or some anger management talk but.. hahaha :D Right!

Karthick said...

@Sinduja : Is this anger like a vicious bite of a innocent looking crab on being provoked :D -

Sinduja said...

@Karthick: Won't leave the sun signs rest in peace, will you? Lol. But yes, beware of the crab! ;)

Vicky Dada (Vikas) said...

If the movie, Village, you referred to was that Shayamalan's one, then people in that were horibly brain-washed isn't it?

Nice post. You need to find a way to channel that anger. Maybe become a party-worker or something..

Ashwini C N said...

I agree with what is stated. Almost everyone of those things angers us and irritates us, but then that is life. It throws everything at us and it is up to us to see things with a better perspective and learn to either live with it or do something about it. Trust me, it adds a lot of spice to life!

But the problem comes when you channel that anger on someone you know, the best way would be to vent it out of your system, making sure there is no human being in a radius of 5 kms from your epicenter.

momto8blog said...

anger wastes too much of my precious energy. we cannot control people or events just our reaction to people and events.

Sinduja said...

@vicky: Yes, they were brain-washed, kept in the dark... but only because a little ignorance can go sometimes a long way in being happy.. isn't it?

Also, over there, they were kept in the dark by the elders... but here, I feel I have seen a lot and am taking a 'choice' to be that way - almost the other end of the cycle.

A better way to channel this anger - yes, you are absolutely right; working on it! :)

Sinduja said...

@Ashwini: Ha ha.. nice way to be optimistic about it - 'adds spice'. Thinking of it, yes... a content life could get boring.

And as always, I can trust you to bring a human element to it all - which is what you did by asking me not to channel it on someone. Yes, important pointer there. Thank you! :)

Sinduja said...

@momo8: I feel like you've said it all in a single line. :) Profound indeed. Thank you.. I will try being more aware of my thoughts and reactions.

The Visitor said...

Hey there!
How are you?
-Uncle OT

Kappu said...

Your anger is valid. Its just a mirror of the feelings that we want to put across. So thanks for taking the batom up for us. Thanks for this angry post!

P/s it is OKAY to be Angry! As your in intelligent friend said, better to be a angry human than a passive doormat!

Do stop by my blog! I'd love your comments & visits!!

Rakesh Balakrishnan said...

society sucks , the entire social structure needs to be revamped. replace competition with coordination and diligence. erase off money and education. replace them with questions.

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SWHE said...

You could have joined as a lecturer in the same college. Or in a college in similar surroundings. There are certain limitations to the kind of place you mentioned at the end. You'll be able to understand it only when you work in such places. The city has its lure, in spite of its limitations. It will make people (slightly) more independent and will tolerate rebels. Like you.

karthick r said...

I see a "Bring back chaoticm" movement right around corner.
LOOoooong Time.
~ cheers.!

Anonymous said...