Friday, June 14, 2013

Now Open

Hello there!

Actually, I am not too sure who I am greeting here, but really, it doesn't matter. It feels good to re-open a long-favorite chapter again. I feel like one of those grownups who was long gone to fight life's battles and got successful and rich and famous, found greener pastures, and then, one dusty twilight evening, returns to homeland and opens the door of her house; a house that heard her worst fears, most passionate dreams, and most inane everyday tales.

Well, that's not exactly the case here though. For one, the tale hasn't turned out that dramatic or valiant. I might be slightly better-off by life's standards than where I left a year ago, but no fairy tales there. I definitely have a better job, one that doesn't make me SO angry every morning (see previous post). I certainly have a less chaotic picture of what I need from life (which is not really a good thing, isn't it?). But a lot of things haven't really changed. Still stubbornly impractical, still sensitive, still fantasy-prone, and still self-centered. Sigh! It is almost as if I expect an "awwww" to go off in the background.

But the most important thing is, I've been punished; punished for leaving the blog. There has been a marked, noticeable change, deterioration rather, in my ability to express thoughts. I often find myself stumbling for the right words while talking and writing. My vocabulary seems to have taken a hard hit, and I am often in the midst of writing the most weirdly phrased sentences.  I guess writing, like any other muscle, is one that constantly needs exercise. In a way, it is scary when you think about it. Forget how hard you accumulate skills at writing, you need to sustain it regularly with practice. Else, only a fraction of all the hours previously invested, would really come along. Perhaps, most of the things in life are this way. Wait, everything is this way!

Take education. Eighteen years of learning all kinds of theories and statements and facts, and yet, we probably remember only a tiny fraction of them.Take relationships. It is hard to keep track of people we really thought we got close to, people whom we really believed, at a particular stage of life, would come along forever. Yet, only a handful have stuck along. And again, while it does matter how strong the foundations of a relationship are, lack of work at it tends to make it only a fragment of what it could have been. So, well, that leaves a lot of things to work on.

Conclusion. Damn, there used to be a time when I would conclude posts for two paragraphs. Anyways, the conclusion is that...I need to write. Seriously just write. It was a big dream to sort thoughts and have well-designed, super-structured blogs with unique columns and headers for different kinds of posts. Not that it cannot happen. But it seems too bad to wait until that happens. Because we really don't have control over every aspect of goals. We choose them, and then, they need to choose us.


karthick r said...

//still fantasy-prone
It isn't that bad no? Letting your imaginations run amok in spite of knowing that there is very minimal chance for it to become a reality itself is one super feeling. Let the feeling linger long enough, no... It'll be fun ;-)

~ cheers.!

Rajesh said...

*Only a handful have stuck along* - You are very lucky to have that many people *still* in your life. I will tell you one bitter fact which you will have to come to terms with, eventually - Everyone will leave you or you will leave everyone.

Sinduja said...

@Karthick: Hmmmm. Is it? Usually, when I am having these impossible flights of imagination, I kinda believe that they will come true someday. You can't be realistic and entertain fantasies at the same time. Can you? I guess it is possible, but must be quite difficult. Perhaps if one is writing a Sci-fiction or fantasy novel. These days, I am kind of getting hints more frequently that some of them will never come true, but I am learning to live with that.

Sinduja said...

@Rajesh: That sounded quite dark and scary, Rajesh! :) But I get what you mean, and I am increasingly seeing that in recent times. Yes, we are all alone at the end. It is only a matter of time before we come to terms with it.

Ganesh Puttu said...

when it stops being a pleasure and starts turning into a, i say....a hobby is just a stress-buster..let it not turn into a stress-giver....and you definitely don't need the practice...

Sinduja said...

@Ganesh: Haha, run I did! You know better ;)

Anonymous said...

Yaay! I haven't yet read the post. That was to see that the blog was "Now Open". I'm feeling wild at myself for not having seen it open for 24 days!

Of course you were addressing us.

I might be slightly better-off ...

I certainly have a less chaotic picture of what I need from life
... actually very good.

Ok, a dutiful awwww here. ;)

Skills wither away, yes.
Relationships fade (everything needs nurturing; nurture - such a nice word).
Anyway, I see some of the oldies have stuck along with the blog. :P

Come on Sindu - many of your posts had an ambiguous quality, which is what I liked about them, so no need to conclude. And remember, your blog name is Just Random.


PS: Checked here after seeing that write-up on the photo of Sundarapandipuram.
Hope to meet you here more often.